I moved on from my Dyad placement kids this past week. It sucks. It's like losing 25 tiny little adorable friends, and it hurts.
Is this what it will be like every year? Unless you are in a looped classroom, in which case you get a one year reprieve followed by twice the pain and heartache the next. Now I know how those who foster puppies must feel: you welcome a bunch of sweet, innocent, little creatures into your life. You nurture them, and teach them, and watch them grow and mature, then you give them an awkward hug or pat on the shoulder as they walk away from you forever.
To be fair, it was me doing the walking away this time, but the feeling is still the same. I was wondering how I would feel when this day came. I have talked with other educators about it, and they have told me it is a difficult part of the profession. It's a tough feeling. The only way I have to describe it is that it reminds me of that gut-wrenching feeling of stark panic I get when my mind flash-forwards 16 years and I hear my about-to-graduate-high-school son springing on me his epiphany to "skip college and live in South America", his time-table for return: unknown.
Not that the image of my son (quite strapping at that age, btw) tromping around the wilds of the Amazon frightens me, it is the sense of loss that tears at my heart. We will be pouring so much of ourselves into these students of ours, it's painful to think about them moving on from us.
I was okay when I parted from my main placement kids the first time around. I think deep down I knew I would be coming back. It was easy to be that stolid, rock of a teacher. After this experience with my 3rd graders, knowing them for only a short time, I begin to question if I will be able to keep up that facade when forced to say goodbye to my fifth graders. They will be my first true classroom. I will be spending so many wonderful upcoming days with them, getting to know them so well, helping them to reach for greater heights.
But that's the point isn't it; in order for them to go after that brilliant future we have been painstakingly preparing them for, we have to let them go.
I didn't think I was going to feel too sad leaving my dyad because I was so excited to go back to my main placement, but when the kids surprised us with cards and a picture it suddenly hit me! Kids are so special in the way they can touch your heart in such a short period of time. I'm excited to see how much they've grown and changed by June.
ReplyDeleteIt's been hard for me walking away from my dyad too. What's most difficult is that I really enjoy the age of my middle schoolers and it's not that I don't enjoy the 3rd graders, but I'm so much more comfortable with these kiddos who are getting ready to head off to high school. But I think that when June roles around I'm going to have a harder time with letting those 3rd graders go because even though I love the crazy hormone driven adolescents you only spend an hour or so a day with them and a whole 6 hours a day with the little guys. I have a friend who fosters animals and her furry companions are exponentially growing in number. The difference with teaching is that we can't keep them we have to let them go on to bigger and better things. So although it's sad I know that we'll be able to say goodbye and trust that we've prepared them to be rockstars in their next class.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a difficult piece of our chosen profession! In order to connect with the kids on a meaningful level and to create the bond needed for a productive student/teacher relationship, we have to allow ourselves to become attached to these kids. Hopefully, if we do things right, they'll come back to visit us and we'll get to see how much they've grown.
ReplyDeleteWell you can't keep all of them...but saying goodbye 4 times in one year is hard. It was hard to say goodbye to the 8th graders, but it will be harder to say goodbye to the 3rd graders the second time (they care about the teacher).
ReplyDeleteWhat was hard for me was that I was moving on, they weren't. It would've been bittersweet had it've been the end of the year but since it wasn't it was just sad for me. :-(
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