Overwhelmed & underwater

Blogging seems to have lost all of it's joy for me.

I try to think of deep and thought provoking, or clever and witty things to say about my experiences.  I know they are there, I build upon them almost everyday, but I cannot dredge them up from underneath the layer of mind-numbing coursework-related silt that sits on top of them.

Above said silt runs a fast moving stream of being a husband to a wife I never see (ships passing in the night) and a father to a 2 1/2 year old child with a severe CHD, for whom I will gladly sacrifice writing a lesson plan in order to have a fabulously deejayed dance party, or rush emergency vehicles to every crisis he can imagine.

Whereas I used to work ahead, I am now struggling to barely get by.  Sacrificing reading for one class in order to find time to do work for another.  Being acceptable when I want to be great.

There are now becoming times when I wonder if I can keep this up.  Can I really do this?  I feel overwhelmed and am struggling to tread water in my metaphorical river - trying not to slip underneath the surface.  Sometimes you all see me sigh deeply.  More than anything it is to remind myself I am still breathing and not underwater yet.

I know from speaking with others that many of us are feeling the same way (perhaps no where near as dramatic, but the same nonetheless).  Situations may be slightly different, but we are still at that same murky point.

In a recent reading I found a passage that has reminded me of why I am going through all of this struggle now, and why I will continue to struggle on in the future.  Of why it's worth all of the trials and frustration to become an educator.

Because being a teacher is what I was meant to do, and it's the best job ever.  

It's certainly not a cure-all, but the following words have given me a measure of composure and courage with which to carry on.  I hope they can do the same for anyone else out there who is in need.  Keep up the good fight.

"Sometimes I am totally baffled at the idea that I get paid to read great books with kids; help them write poetry (poetry, I tell you!); benefit from their honest, funny, youthful outlook every day; and then go to bed knowing I've at least approached doing something meaningful in the world. There are approximately two-and-a-half professions like that on the entire planet."

-Dina Strasser